the heart of darkness

There was a time in my life when I used to be happy. There was a time when I used to notice spring in all its glory around me. I was closer to nature than I was to myself because I had her in my life.

My story is very old; you people have no idea how old. In those days there was only me with nobody around. I used to cherish my loneliness; there of course were my other brothers, who preferred to live in a settling, but I was not one of them. I was free, like the wind that no one could stop; no one could force to stay in one place forever.

But of course I had her, always near me. Never leaving me alone, never letting me realize that I was a loner. Her undiminished love was the only thing that I had in an otherwise rotting world. She was my partner and my mentor, my inspiration and my willpower.

She was an ideal partner. Every day when I went out she used to wait for me in that little cave that I called home. And when I returned home at dusk all tired and spent, she used to embrace me with her arms open wide. I used to tell her the adventures of the day, and god, she was such a patient listener. Some days I would go on and on mumbling boring events but she used to listen with great interest and all that while her eyes never used to lose mine. The love those eyes used to radiate was so intoxicating. Even when I used to talk about random things, I’d secretly thank god for giving me her.

And as the night progressed we used to come closer and closer to each other. She would lie down next to me and we used to seek sanctuary in each other's arms. And at that time she used to tell me stories about herself. Stories so incredible that you wouldn't believe them. One of my favorite stories was how her father banished her from his kingdom because of her evil twin sister. And though she was never so keen about telling that story, I used to make her because the way she told it was simply so amazing. There was melancholy in her voice, like a person who has seen everything through her eternal eyes and yet has remained silent. There was an acceptance of fate in her actions. And at the end of the she used to tell me-“none of that matters now, for I have you. Hearing this I would drift slowly into arms of Morpheus with her beside me and a hostile world outside.

But that all changed one day, the day when I made the greatest mistake of my life. The day Satan himself had planned my downfall. That day all hell broke loose. When I look back it was a pretty normal evening, we were sitting together, chatting and I playing with two stones. There were twigs and dried leaves all around and suddenly a spark freed itself from the stones and attached itself to the leaves and then it happened. The moment my heart was waiting for all these years. As if all my life I was waiting for this to happen. As if some divine power has seen my dreams and gifted me a true replica of my deepest desires.
I was too stunned to speak, for never in my life I’ve seen someone so beautiful. She was blazing and radiating happiness (well that’s what I thought it was) all around. I was mesmerized by her appearance, her spotless face, her slender build, her voluptuous curves. Everything about her felt just so perfect. I was just standing there looking at her till she noticed me for the first time and said in a rather arrogant tone- hello mortal, my name is fire.
fire, at that moment I could not think of a name more beautiful, and I knew I was in love and that I've got to tell her. And then I thought I must tell my partner about it and for the first time since fire’s arrival I turned to look at her. I realized that she was staring at fire with utmost loath and that fire was returning the gaze with an amused expression. Fire, my beloved, spoke to her in a deadly calm voice- hi darky, it’s been a long time. You know that father misses you, right?

Darkness, my long term companion was startled to see her twin sister here. I knew that they both hated each other for fire was the reason she was banished from heavens. She didn't try to conceal it, and asked her sister in an unmindful manner- what are you doing here, sister? Fire was once again amused at the way she said sister and said- but of course you know why I'm here. I'm here to claim this planet as my own, to give the people here everything that you cannot give them. I'm here to teach them how to live. And I'll start with this very man standing here.

And for the first time in my life I saw a hint of fear in darkness's eyes. For she was afraid she'd lose me. But that poor creature probably had some faith in me. So she asked me with trembling voice- you wouldn't listen to her, would you. Tell me that you are mine and that we'll live together happily. And I'll take you far from here, far from her reach and far from this madding crowd. 

I knew it was my cue, but I couldn't make my mind up, on one side there was darkness my longtime friend, and she loved me very much and I too, well, I had some feelings towards her. She was my asylum, she was someone I could share everything with, and she was the one with whom I've spent countless nights with. She was an integral part of my life. On the other hand there was fire, perfect in every way a human can perceive and her promises. They were prospects that nobody could've refused. So after a few minutes pondering, libido won over companionship and I told darkness that I'm sorry and that I've decided to go with fire.
Darkness tried and tried but I was gone farther than she thought. At last she saw that there was no option other but to let me go. But she said it's OK because we'll still meet. Fire won't be around forever. But fire was one cunning maiden. She turned to her sister and said- of course I won't, but he will.
And with these words fire split herself in half and the newly formed part of her flew high into the sky and positioned himself above everything. And he shone most brightly in the sky. Fire was overjoyed; her expression was that of the child who got an early Christmas present. She declared in her proud voice- hey sister, meet my son, I'll call him sun.
Darkness was inconsolable. Everything that belonged to her was now lost. And I was a part of that injustice but I couldn't help it, I was still under the spell of fire's dazzling beauty. I knew I'd lost her maybe forever, but I was so tactless. In one final act of showing her love to myself she said- I know you won't stop me from leaving. But what you don't understand is I'll never leave you. Even if I'll have to lose myself. And with those words darkness started to shrink, losing herself till she was just the physical embodiment of myself. And she said again from now on I'll be with you forever. I'll be your shadow.

And so darkness was gone. The darkness of my heart, lost in time. But at that time I was too preoccupied to notice her absence. I went straight to fire. I wanted her to be mine for I've achieved her at a great cost. I raised my hands to touch her cheeks and it burned. I winced, but she laughed. I tried again but to no good. I burnt myself again. This time she laughed out loud and said- you foolish mortal, can't you see. I'm fire. You can never touch me. You'll only keep hurting yourself. And anyways you don't deserve me. You don't understand love. Love is not something to gain, first you need to understand who loves you. I never liked my sister but I know this thing. She was in love with you; her love was deep and selfless. You insolent fool, can't you see, she sacrificed everything for you. And yet you failed to notice. You do not deserve her or me or anyone for that matter. And so you'll be alone the rest of your life.
I cried but she wouldn't listen. I kept trying, hurting myself more and more every time. My shadow cried with me for she couldn't see me in pain. But she was helpless and I was demented. This was my curse that I had to bear. Even till this date I couldn't get over my curse. Meanwhile the fire smiles and the darkness cries.