about a girl


 As I'm lying down on my bed doing nothing, a disturbing thought is haunting my mind. What if I'll be like this forever , what if the world will move on and the only one standing alone will be me, what if everyone around me will be happy and I'll be forced to participate in their happiness even when I don't want to. In short what will happen to me if she'll continue to refuse me as a part of her life?

Well u know the thing is I am not usually this frustrated but the events happening(which obviously are out of my control) forces me to the think if I'm right about my theory about pride first and needs second. See, growing in a deeply religious environment has taken its toll on me. I put morality above need of hour and get myself screwed most of the times (BTW, that's a good oxymoron, isn't it?). 

Things were going very fine until that fateful day. I was happy with my life, I was among friends and I had a girl to look to and be happy. And that ended on the day she (this one's different to the one I like) proposed to me. Now while you may think that it should not be such a big deal but believe me,it was. Apparently she was in love with me since last two years and was waiting for me to make the first move. But I didn't (how could I, my parents know her and these things are bound to drag you into trouble) but then this valentine's season she could take it no more and decided to propose. Well remember I told u that it was a big deal and this is how it was, she didn't wait for the relationship to mature and she offered me that we could do “it” whenever I would like to and believe me friends that's something you don't hear every day.

So naturally I was very tempted (come on dude, when you are 21 and you get a chance like this, you are bound to be tempted) but then again this evil thought came into my mind- dude you don't love her, you love someone else.
“So what”- I said to my heart, she‟s never offered me anything, let alone this

But that's because you haven't told her anything- my heart told me

Like that'd help, I know what'll be her reply- my mind snapped back

Look you assume to much-my heart was hopeful 

U don't  know anything poor heart, all u have to do is take inspiration from stupid movies and books, but u have no idea whats going on outside, naive hearts like u gets trampled underfoot all the time. 

Well maybe, but is this reason enough to not tell her, I mean u like her for two years. That cant be a crush or infatuation- my heart was still optimistic, that stupid „bound to be doomed‟ heart

Well. U r right but what am I supposed to do-my mind said, clearly its defenses was weakening.

Well I suppose u should tell her. You already have a no. it cant hurt to try getting a yes.

It cant?

Yes of course it'll hurt (my heart chuckled to itself-what a fool!) but u know this is a risk u have to take, for my sake and for yours.

OK I will. But what am I supposed to tell the other girl?

Tell her that u don't love her

But dude she's so hot. We can't ignore the possibilities

Yes we can

But why- I asked him

My heart didn't reply. But I'm sure that it must be thinking something like (because u r a fool and fools often make such mistakes, they listen to me when they shouldn't have and end up getting hurt or acquiring philosophical knowledge), well that.

So after this enlightening discussion with my heart, I finally decided to tell my girl (oh please, at least let me call her that) how much I love her. Then came another problem, how was I supposed to do that. I mean it's not like I could go up to her and tell her that I like her. I cannot call her because it'll be more or less the same thing (only her face would be missing, but that won't be a comfort, partly because I like her face and partly because voice can be just too cold sometimes). So devoid of any other options i decided to write her a love letter. Now u must be thinking- “a love letter” come on dude, what are you- a noob. Sure u can do better than that. But no, there is something great about a love letter; u can pour your heart out on a piece of paper (well in my case a Microsoft word document). So I started writing this letter and I wrote everything that I felt about her. I was hoping that somehow this piece of letter will be able to do something that I couldn't. So i wrote all my feelings on this document. I didn't use flattery (now when I look back, I just think that I should have) just simple truth and finally I mailed it to her.

Now it's not very tough to guess my condition at that time. I was on my own, I had no direction known, just like a rolling stone (wait... it‟s not Dylan, it's me). So anyway I sent her a message to check her mail and she replied that she will.so once again the painful period of agony started. I waited and waited for like forever and then I again text-ed her if I was getting a reply or not. 
The reply was not unexpected but it didn't lessen the torment. She told me that she appreciates that someone likes her and all and she can't help that I like her but(I seriously hate this word ) the thing is she's not really that kind of girl and she'd never be(so much for the optimism) and I should not make it more awkward than it already is. Of course I agreed, even after everything I cannot refuse her (and it's not that it was her fault or anything, it's my fault that I picked a smarty over a bimbo) so I told her that I would not and I hope that we could remain friends. Later only that it occurred to me that it was not my fault either and it is written (maktub) that “if you want something with all your heart, the entire universe conspires in kicking your ass”.

 So you see that's how my first proposal (ever) failed to achieve what it was supposed to do. With a nearly broken heart I prepared myself for the last mid-sems (and GATE) of my college life. Needless to say those mid-sems were a disaster. On the dark side of moon was this other girl who was not helping matters .And that was the time when I realized the plight of Calypso and her statement “fates are cruel” made more sense to me. The eternally damned calypso was inside me at that moment and I realized why it is a good business to sell stupid love songs because wounded people will want a sanctuary. I too listened to “I got over you” 20 times and didn't get over anything.


P.S.- this is a work of fiction and none of these has actually happened. So any questions like
1.    Who was the girl?
2.    Who was the other girl?
3.    What girl would actually propose you?
4.    Are you completely moron?  Shall not be entertained.





Location: ranchi,jarkhand,india

Comments

  1. ISHAN PRAT20 May 2012 at 23:47

    Well.... we knew u were one hell of a loner, but Calypso.... Taking it too far isn't it?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. amit bhatt21 May 2012 at 10:53

      i was never a loner man
      but i'm glad ki u know calypso
      not many people do

      Delete
  2. Unknown20 May 2012 at 23:58

    kudos for ur first write-up.I liked the "it" part and dylan's.umm just focus on ur grammatical errors a little bit(naive hearts like u gets trampled.....should be get,defenses was weakening.were!).try and always make ur write up u know 'not long'....but since its ur first it had to be this way.I didnt quite get the oxymoron:P...could sense ur heart frm the word document......best f lck fr future write ups.:)........and dude just do "it"....cmmon i mean just do "it" na;):D

    ReplyDelete
  3. uzval21 May 2012 at 00:28

    I think its the same write-up dat you showd me in hostel one day... And I thnk u still remember the expression I gave u dat day... Mind-blowing write-up,nicely weaved story,and I still remember d msg... "Kuch aur bhi dekhna hai..." he he he he ....saala delete kar dia tum.anywz keep scribbling on your silver screen we eud like to have more frm u.

    ReplyDelete
  4. prabhat21 May 2012 at 01:19

    well..well..keep it up amit...superb...........

    ReplyDelete
  5. Manish22 May 2012 at 01:12

    unbelievable.....it's really nice.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. amit bhatt22 May 2012 at 04:20

      thanks manish
      appreciation from a fellow blogger always feels great

      Delete
  6. vibi27 May 2012 at 00:01

    Believe ni ho raha.... Mera bhai itna bada ho Gaya hai..... Good one.... Keep blogging :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous7 June 2012 at 08:56

    wow! nice write up... :) wud wait 4 sum more of it.... get going.... :)

    ReplyDelete

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