amit bhatt

this post is the 2nd part of my earlier post "in my time of dying". in case you haven't read that one you could find it  here Maybe it was just the fever or the continuous assault of all the medicines injected in me, at first I couldn’t believe what I was seeing or hearing. I thought I might be hallucinating for death doesn’t come to bring people home. As far as I know people just drop dead, they are not escorted to heaven or hell by death. But then they are not like me so I must be getting some kind of special treatment, and tried hard to see the figure slowly coming into focus. Now I admit I was feverish and delusional, but the figure standing in front of me couldn’t have been death. For she was so breathtakingly(hope u got what i mean) beautiful, around 17 or 18 years of age, perfect in every measure we humans have for defining beauty. Everything about her was so intoxicating that I felt like the walls are crawling around me. She was slender, very petite...

When people are young, full of life and frequently covering bases,they hardly ever give a thought about how they'd die. That is unless you are not deranged or suicidal. But fortunately most people are not suicidal and are sane enough to quickly move on to next affair before the suicide thought even pop in tiny little head of theirs. But there are times, bad times, when you just cannot shake the feeling that the time to walk into the bright light has finally came.  Personally I never gave much thought to how I'd die. But whenever I did, I always thought I'd die of some extremely romantic disease like leukemia (well that's how JAMIE died) or it could be some extremely horrific disease like brain tumor or multiple organ failure (even when I don't drink). You know anything less than that seems like inadequate. But to leave this world out of a simple fever seemed like a very sad way to go. Now you might be wondering from where all this is coming from. So let me take u...

So it's independence day once again. And for the first time ever I don't have anywhere to go. Not that I used to go every time in past occasions but I always had options. N sitting idly at home brings back memories. There was a time when we were all excited about going to school and shouting the national anthem at the top of our voice. And I can't help but wonder where that enthusiasm, that zeal has gone. Is the feeling of freedom has gone with growing child? Is Independence Day nothing but a mere holiday in our eyes now? Are we too ashamed to get up and go to a public flag hoisting? And the immediate answer that comes to the mind is “yes to all”. Its not that it's totally our fault. To love someone an essential requirement is that it should love you back. And there are enough evidences that our country doesn't love us back. Of course it's the people who are responsible for such kind of situation and they should be blamed. But the blame thing does not work...

There was a time in my life when I used to be happy. There was a time when I used to notice spring in all its glory around me. I was closer to nature than I was to myself because I had her in my life. My story is very old; you people have no idea how old. In those days there was only me with nobody around. I used to cherish my loneliness; there of course were my other brothers, who preferred to live in a settling, but I was not one of them. I was free, like the wind that no one could stop; no one could force to stay in one place forever. But of course I had her, always near me. Never leaving me alone, never letting me realize that I was a loner. Her undiminished love was the only thing that I had in an otherwise rotting world. She was my partner and my mentor, my inspiration and my willpower. She was an ideal partner. Every day when I went out she used to wait for me in that little cave that I called home. And when I returned home at dusk all tired and spent, she used to embrace m...

  As I'm lying down on my bed doing nothing, a disturbing thought is haunting my mind. What if I'll be like this forever , what if the world will move on and the only one standing alone will be me, what if everyone around me will be happy and I'll be forced to participate in their happiness even when I don't want to. In short what will happen to me if she'll continue to refuse me as a part of her life? Well u know the thing is I am not usually this frustrated but the events happening(which obviously are out of my control) forces me to the think if I'm right about my theory about pride first and needs second. See, growing in a deeply religious environment has taken its toll on me. I put morality above need of hour and get myself screwed most of the times (BTW, that's a good oxymoron, isn't it?).  Things were going very fine until that fateful day. I was happy with my life, I was among friends and I had a girl to look to and be happy. And ...