Let it rain

The little girl was wandering on her own , too cautiously at first, but when she became sure that she wasn't being followed , she gradually became more and more relaxed. It was raining hard , and she was out on her own, a luxury, not afforded to her easily. But she had to meet her friend. She would be waiting, she knew, like she always was. Sometimes the girl wondered what she can do to achieve that kind of freedom.  Her friends at kindergarten told her that she’d have to be a grown up to do that. She was quiet looking forward to it. Well , what did she know.

She also realized that she was late, but she couldn't help it. On the way there were these tiny little plants . Her teacher had told her that they were called “touch me not”. Despite the warning embedded in the name and countless warnings from her mom, she always felt inclined to touch them. They closed when she touched them. She got a flashback of how she screamed when the first time it happened. But soon she realized that they only close temporarily and open up once again. This baffled her and at the same time annoyed her. The little plants challenged her position as the supreme master of the Realm, they couldn't dare defy her wishes. So she kept touching. Waiting there and daring them to open up again, and then the rain started and  she realized it that her friend had arrived and made a run for her .

And as she had expected, her friend was there. She looked like she was waiting for her a long time, but didn't seem angry. The lady asked the child how was she when reached , and the child narrated all too happily the glorious saga of her conquest over the little plants. She listened patiently. This was the part the girl liked best. She always listened , unlike her parents who were always either out of the house working or doing some chores, so little time she got , that she was almost starved of affection . And this Lady she always listened. She loved her so much.

After she had finished, the lady pointed out that she had too much mud on her shoes. The girl looked down.

Oh no!! She said. Mom will be very angry . And… and dad will say that mud is not good for kids and I’ll be grounded again.

Well... The lady said- your dad doesn't know anything.

The girl looked up, scandalized. It’s her dad she was talking about.

He knows everything there is, it’s you who doesn't know anything - said the girl. She looked quiet offended. She filled her mouth with a lot of air and was exhaling. It was such a cute sight that the lady couldn't help but smile.

OK. What if I tell you that your dad used to get mud all over him all the time when he was a kid?

What?? Said the little girl, who was having a hard time processing mud and her dad in the same sentence. Also his dad was a grown up, not a kid; she couldn't see how he could ever have been a kid.

Really??? She asked, her eyes wide open.

Oh yes, i remember it all, we used to be out all the time, playing in the rain , climbing trees, getting covered in the mud, getting in trouble with neighbours , we've done it all together.

The little girl was amazed. she was imagining her dad as a kid , covered in mud, getting scolded by the granny, her joy knew no bounds . and yet still a part of her brain remained unconvinced.

i don't believe it .. she finally managed to say .

You want to see him say it ? asked the lady..mischievously.

can you get him to say it, replied the girl, expectantly.

yes  i can, let's go to your home , time to see an old friend.

when they reached home, the man was pacing nervously. The kiddo was out again, why do kids have to be so adventurous, he thought. Just when he was about to go out to find her , he heard the doorbell ring, when he saw her girl there, he was so relieved , but pretended to be angry.

where were you, he asked.

The kid, in full knowledge that she was in the company of an outsider and his dad won't shout in front of her, replied - just outside daddy and guess what i met a friend of yours .

My friend.. what ?? whom . She was about to answer when the lady entered and said - What's up old friend, what do you say you and I take a little walk.


Who's it honey?? came the voice of my wife from living room.

Just an old friend sweetheart- I said as i stepped out in the rain.


Words seemed to have failed me, It was the feeling you get when you see someone after a really long time, you are happy, but don't know how to express. She stole a few glances too, but was waiting for me to speak up first. And I , well a lifetime of memories were swirling around my head. I was quiet overwhelmed with them. Then finally i managed to speak.

You still look great, how have you been??

Well of course i do , immortality combined with eternal youth does have some advantages you know- she said. Oh , i have missed all the pompous boastfulness of her. What about you?? she asked.

Me.. I'm doing great too. I have a great job Just bought the house, i have the sweetest wife, the cutest daughter in the whole world, I have everything i need right here.

That's all great you know , she said.cutting me off , glad to know you are happy, stressing on the last word more than it was necessary.

well I talked to your daughter, what's with all this "rain is not good for kids" crap man.

I... Well ...ummm.. you know how kids get all sick and all.

And what about when you were a kid... you used to be out for hours. and mud.. you seriously talk about getting mud on the body.

I was different. When i walked out into the rain.. well it was freedom. It was leaving everything behind. It was the urge to see you, whenever i felt everything is falling , the rain would come. It'd invite me out, the trees , the grass , the wind, they were all my friend, they were all too happy to see me, and i shared a part of their joy. Even the scold i got from mom was all a part of it. I said and i kept saying stuff as nostalgia hit me and old memories flooded my brain. I realized that i was't even talking to herself, I was talking to myself. I was talking to the little kid i had left behind when i growing up. I was talking to my teen self, whose big plans of life were stomped upon by me while i was working hard to get "everything i ever wanted". I was talking to my friends whom i never wanted to stay away from but haven't heard from in years. I was talking to all the things that got lost in the way to "here", a place i didn't even know.

What happened to you man.. you were so different back then- She asked.

Different.. ah yes.. different. I was different , I was a different boy with different thinking who always became friends with different people so that we could stay different, And then I did all the different things like getting a different jobs than others, leaving my own country to come live in a different country, befriend some more different people , and yet here I am , realizing that I am no longer different at all. I am a part of the common, I am a product that's manufactured from different component, but it's just the same as others.

I realized the big lump in my throat and couldn't continue. I wanted to shout, I wanted to cry, but i couldn't.

It's ok if you want to cry- she said, looking at me.

No.. You'll judge me.

Do I, ever ?? Do you not know me. It's not in the job description man. Haven't you heard , it rains on the just and unjust alike. and It has been like this forever, I am there when men cried in joy after winning the wars, i am there when they couldn't sleep because of the cries of the men they killed to win the same wars, I was there when civilizations fall, and i was there to shape the new ones. I am there to see the joy of a mother seeing her child for the first time and I'm also there when a father had to see his son be no more. The world might be a very complicated place, but I'm always there to provide solace to the souls who seek it.

I sat down, tears came slowly at first but soon I was inconsolable. I cried and i cried. I cried for the little boy that i was and i cried for this strange grown up that i'd become. I cried for everyone i knew and had forgotten and i cried for the places that i had left behind. I cried for the world and for everyone in it, I cried because how with every passing moments less and less people loved me and they merely wanted things from me. i cried because i was a part of it all. I cried and hated myself for it and yet i didn't stop. For a moment I felt connected with everything,every song i had heard from the childhood, every book that i read, every person I know, every place i visited, they were all a part of me, and they didn't wanna let go, i didn't wanna let go either. I cried because i could no longer go to my mom crying, I cried because I couldn't expect a nice treat from dad just because I was hurt. The world was within me and I lay there thinking what could have been.

I stopped after a while. But something had changed, I was a different person than I was , or probably i was my younger self. The long standing dust on my memories has been washed away by the torrential rains. I felt fresh, I felt alive after a very long time.

Thanks- I managed.. for stopping by.

Any time dude. That's what friends are for.

Have i ever told you that you were my first ever love- I said, back in the game.

oh you have.. many times. Like you have a shot with someone like me- She said.. 

Oh I see you are back in your narcissistic bitch mode, and just so you know " I have done it more times than you have you know.

"oh i have done it more times than you have you know"  she said mimicking my voice It's not big deal, everybody gets to do it when they are older.

Everybody yes... you no.

I must leave now, she said finally. But always remember , I am there for you.

I know .. I said gratefully.

I walked towards my house. Feeling happier than i had been in years. 

I rang the doorbell. My wife opened the door- Oh my god! you are all wet. Big daddy .. setting nice examples for the kid- She complained, now get in.

Or, I pulled her outside and took her in my arms , How about we go for a walk in the rain.